Mary Guesses Movie Plots 2

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

jackreacherposter

Jack
 Reacher: Never Go Back
 is the second installment in the Jack Reacher series. Reacher is a frustrated but determined man, so named because of his persistence, yet inability, to reach things. Whether those things are of the physical, like a cookie jar on a high shelf, or the conceptual, like the happiness within oneself, Reacher is forever grasping. In this film, Jack Reacher is trying to reach a particularly important button that rolled under the refrigerator. He has these custom pants, you see, and the buttons are one-of-a-kind. He can’t just go to the fabric store and buy any old replacement button! The button he needs is right there! But just out of reach…

Boo! A Madea Halloween

madea

Tyler Perry’s long-running Madea series sees a significant genre shift with Boo! A Madea Halloween. In this film, Madea and all your favorite characters are preparing for the spookiest and most outrageous Halloween night of their lives! But little do they know, a much more sinister force has gotten a head start on the festivities…

Soon, a bloodbath descends upon the town. Candied apples and smiling jack-o-lanterns are traded for chainsaws and machetes as a masked murderer feasts on the flesh of the innocent. But even this madman may be no match for Madea. Find out… this Halloween.

Underworld: Blood Wars

underworld

This movie has no relation to the popular Underworld film series about vampires and werewolves. Underworld: Blood Wars is a historical drama, about a much forgotten leg of the Revolutionary War deemed “The Blood Wars,” in which soldiers in the colonies used blood as a weapon. Seriously. They filled entire cannons with old, coagulated blood that they’d scooped up from the battlefields and just start firing away. They outfitted muskets with special blood pellets fashioned by soldiers versed in the art of “Bloode Packaging,” a now obsolete colonial art form that is sadly only detailed in more obscure, out-of-print history texts. In Underworld: Blood Wars, audiences will see for the first time the heroic efforts of American soldiers, who dared to fight fire with blood, in hopes that it would gross out and confuse the British. It did.

Inferno

inferno

Inferno
 
is the third film installment of Daniel Boone’s mystery/thriller series. First there was The Da Vinci Code, in which Tom Hanks’s hard-nosed detective character Buster “Jinx” Maloney tried to decipher a secret code hidden within the paintings of Leonardo Da Vinci. Then came Angels & Demons, in which Hanks—this time with a drastically different attitude and hairline—attempted to steal the Declaration of Independence. And now with Inferno, Hanks will march straight into the bowels of hell to retrieve the Holy Grail, but not before he endures a series of trials and obstacles with his father (Sean Connery) and a couple of handsome Nazis. Fasten your seatbelts and get ready for twists and turns at every corner, as 60-year-old Hanks and a beautiful 25-year-old co-star uncover long-hidden truths that could completely change life on earth as we know it!

Priceless

priceless

Priceless 
is about those moments in life that money can’t buy, like laughing with a lover on a lazy Sunday morning. Passing a hot bowl of mashed potatoes around a table of smiling friends and family. The excitement and anticipation of a first dance. The dog eating your homework—no really, he did! Honest! Letting your 5-year-old help you paint the baby’s room and… oh no! You didn’t need to paint the furniture, too! *gentle head shake with a smile*

That feeling of coming home from a long business trip and setting down your briefcase with a sigh of relief… only to be pummeled by a happy, well-lit golden retriever! An attractive young couple sitting on a park bench and condescendingly cooing over a hunched elderly couple holding hands. The young woman muses, “Do you think that could be us someday?” only to turn and see the man down on one knee, bearing a small black velvet box, which causes beautiful, shiny tears to spring forth from her eyes as the screen fades to black and a Sarah McLaughlin-esque song rolls in. There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s MasterCard.

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